My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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