Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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