how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
