I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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