My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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