whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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