Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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