Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't