Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom