Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.