Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now