i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.