I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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