we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
