That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
