The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Come see our sink grown plant.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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