I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
