her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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