Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
