I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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