i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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