I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
love makes seman taste better
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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