...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
