a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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