Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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