Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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