He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
