the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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