I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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