whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
