I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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