At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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