whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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