I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize