Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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