remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
