dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
