Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize