So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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