you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize