just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
