She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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