Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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