Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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