Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
tell me about the eggs
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