in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize