I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
