HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He shit in the fireplace
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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