hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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