thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize