M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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