I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
