As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
