youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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